Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Day Two

Today was a decent day. I ate great and felt great. However, I had to work through some emotional stuff. It was the open house Meet Your Teacher day and I had a lot to do. I struggled with wanting to hide and go slow then I would snap back and get back in it. I feel like it's a sign of growth like I'm going through growing pains. I'm wanting to stay comfortable then I go "no I'm stronger than this and I want discipline and integrity!" So that was a challenge to break the habits I've formed here. I want to grow more in that area. Emotionally I had a few hard moments but, God is so good and is healing me. He is my vindicator!! When I got home I refused to be bound and crippled by emotions. So I did Insanity day two and had a revelation of what it means to live in the moment. It's amazing to me that Dani said "Such a huge weight off of your shoulders. you are finally free from it all and can focus on being present at work now". Right after I said I wanted to work on "being present" at my team training seminar. I kept fight to bring my mind back to the present. Focusing on the workout.... Not on what I've been through... What people are possibly thinking... What I'm doing wrong or lacking in.... Not on wishing I could be at my goal weight but I was forced to think about the NOW. Right now I'm here... It's a journey and someday I'll reach goal setting points but, right now I should enjoy the process. So many times I've reached my goal and missed the feeling of the experience of the waiting, working, sweating, crying, screaming, and praying that it took to get there... The growing pains. I love it and will enjoy each season as it comes! It's like the value of a promise. I've learned through consistency what it means to keep a promise. If I can stay diligent and focused in the simple things like marking off my workouts each day then that teaches me almost to keep "promises" to myself... Because I'm not comfort and convenience oriented I'm doing the hard thing because it's the right thing. Like making a promise and if you decide it's more comfortable and enjoyable to stop... You stop.... NO!!! I'm learning to push myself beyond my limits to grow. I have learned to promise when I feel bad but, as soon as it became hard to keep I'd break it. Like my promises to stop watching porn, stop using laxatives, stop questioning, and any other major or minor infractions. All these were maybe meant at the time but, I've broken every single one. How can I become a woman of my word after all that breaking? By making the choice in a silent declaration to just simple stop without all the theatrics. It's like God's forgiveness.... Stop asking for it over and over and just move on. Make your choice to be a woman of your word and move on with it.

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