Day Three

I had a OK day. First was productive but I had some road blocks. I worked out and felt great. It was another day of growth. It exposed my desperate need for Him. I waited too long to eat... I went home and snacked a little until I stopped myself to FORCE myself to cook... I'm gonna do this right!!!

That's a pic of me tired at work! First day back to my early schedule

Day Two

Today was a decent day. I ate great and felt great. However, I had to work through some emotional stuff. It was the open house Meet Your Teacher day and I had a lot to do. I struggled with wanting to hide and go slow then I would snap back and get back in it. I feel like it's a sign of growth like I'm going through growing pains. I'm wanting to stay comfortable then I go "no I'm stronger than this and I want discipline and integrity!" So that was a challenge to break the habits I've formed here. I want to grow more in that area. Emotionally I had a few hard moments but, God is so good and is healing me. He is my vindicator!! When I got home I refused to be bound and crippled by emotions. So I did Insanity day two and had a revelation of what it means to live in the moment. It's amazing to me that Dani said "Such a huge weight off of your shoulders. you are finally free from it all and can focus on being present at work now". Right after I said I wanted to work on "being present" at my team training seminar. I kept fight to bring my mind back to the present. Focusing on the workout.... Not on what I've been through... What people are possibly thinking... What I'm doing wrong or lacking in.... Not on wishing I could be at my goal weight but I was forced to think about the NOW. Right now I'm here... It's a journey and someday I'll reach goal setting points but, right now I should enjoy the process. So many times I've reached my goal and missed the feeling of the experience of the waiting, working, sweating, crying, screaming, and praying that it took to get there... The growing pains. I love it and will enjoy each season as it comes! It's like the value of a promise. I've learned through consistency what it means to keep a promise. If I can stay diligent and focused in the simple things like marking off my workouts each day then that teaches me almost to keep "promises" to myself... Because I'm not comfort and convenience oriented I'm doing the hard thing because it's the right thing. Like making a promise and if you decide it's more comfortable and enjoyable to stop... You stop.... NO!!! I'm learning to push myself beyond my limits to grow. I have learned to promise when I feel bad but, as soon as it became hard to keep I'd break it. Like my promises to stop watching porn, stop using laxatives, stop questioning, and any other major or minor infractions. All these were maybe meant at the time but, I've broken every single one. How can I become a woman of my word after all that breaking? By making the choice in a silent declaration to just simple stop without all the theatrics. It's like God's forgiveness.... Stop asking for it over and over and just move on. Make your choice to be a woman of your word and move on with it.

Day One

So today I woke up with motivation and vigor. I was a machine at work and stuck to my eating plan. I took my pills and did day one of Insanity. Later after that I made plain quinoa and organic brown rice. I also made breakfast egg cupcakes. I feel really good and accomplished. Here's to another great day. I even realized how much different and peaceful when I'm not vegging out and lazy when I'm being aware of my eating and setting goal. My goal is to be 145 on my 27th birthday. Right now I know I'm 172. Roughly 3.5 months to lose 27 pounds.

Fresh Start

Well.... Here I am again! I remember a blog post that I wrote July 2013 about the hardships that I was facing and the courage to overcome. Well I took things seriously that January 2014 and rocked Insanity and didn't miss a day. I was unstoppable. I went to Colorado for my deposition and got lazy. It's frustrating. I just let myself go. I went through some stuff during the last school that drove me deeper into just giving up. Thankfully I feel the fog lifting and a new hope on the horizon. I know I can regain my footing and have my Savior lift me up. So here I am again. I'm all in and I know it will be hard. I'm ready... Nothing can be harder than the pain of being stagnant not changing. I'm stuck knowing my body isn't getting better... Knowing I'm bored and unmotivated. Feeling gross and not enjoying my clothes. It's crazy what it affects. It makes you feel so embarrassed knowing your capable of so much more! I'll check in soon. 

All out effort!

So here I am 2 weeks until the wedding and frustrated at my lack of self control. I have had plenty of time and more than enough resources to get there. I was on pinterest and saw this girl who did an all out effort for two weeks and lost 13 lbs! I am now going to do my own version. Here's the breakdown.
Lean protein
Raw veggies
Water
Hydroxycut
Some fruit
Coffee?
Daily intense exercise

My run down today is:
Chicken and veggies for breakfast
Max Interval
And so it goes

Been here before!

Am I seriously here again??

I have been here a million times before....

The weight has been inching back on and it is so discouraging. I see women like my sisters who seem to effortlessly lose the weight and it stays off. I went from 235 all the way down 143. I was so happy and healthy. What happened? meh


Time to stop whining and talking about it almost daily. I have my plan all mapped out and now its time execute it. I has been a rough year in so many heartbreaking ways! It's hard to pick yourself back up and move on with your life without the fear of the unknown. I am so raw and open emotionally that I get myself into some serious ruts.

I started day 1 really strong, day 2 was weak, day 3 seems like a repeat of day 2.....gosh what has happened to my motivation and strength that was there when I dug deep!


I was an Insanity queen and would go to the gym everyday! I love that feeling....


So hard to let go of the pain and sadness I face it and solider on in the midst of it all!